A middle aged woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," was the reply.

"I'm exactly 58, " the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

She replies, "I guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 58."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 58, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is failing. Although, there is a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of her.

She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

After a couple of minutes of this, she said, "Okay, okay,... how old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts and removes his hands and says, "Madam, you are 58."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible,...how did you know?"

The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"OK", she said, "I won't get mad."

He replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."