QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another? If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty? How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on? Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? Would a part-time bandleader be considered a semi-conductor? Can someone be a closet claustrophobic? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you know when you're out of invisible ink? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked? If you ate pasta and anti-pasta at the same time, would you still be hungry? If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first? If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? Why do most countries have only one Monopolies Commission? Why are wrong numbers never busy? How can there be self-help "groups"? If it only takes one dollar a day to feed a child in Africa, why does it take two dollars a day to lose weight with Jenny Craig? Are there cemetery workers that don't work the graveyard shift? How can someone "draw a blank"? Is there another word for "synonym"? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Why do skydivers wear helmets? Why do they report power outages on TV? Is it possible to be totally partial? Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose? Why is it called "after dark," when it is really "after light"? Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? Why do "tugboats" push? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?

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